Sardar and Sancks

Once 3 Sardars decided to go on a picnic.
When they got there, they realized that they had forgot the soda. The youngest Sardar said he would go home & get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back.

The other two agreed to wait patiently.

An hour went by,
Then a Day,
followed by a week
finally a month,

the 2 Sardars said
'oh, come on, let's eat the snacks'
...
..

Suddenly the Young Sardar popped up from behind a rock and said

'If you do like this, I won't go.

Software Engineers-Online chat

A Guy WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.

Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's


Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you,if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place] (Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to
Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's
real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now.ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE.
NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

PRICELESS !!!

A guy woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself ablack eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, he asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "hey !!!!!!!leave me alone! I'm married!"

*Moral*
*Breakfast* -- Rs. 100.00
*Self-induced hangover* -- Rs. 2000.00
*Broken furniture* -- Rs. 20,000.00
*Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS *" !!!!!!!!!!!!

New collection of Sardar's Joke

A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss. Do u
know, what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . .
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!


A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral
function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"


Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits
on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."


Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. Because his doctor advised him
"Today's dinner should be light"


One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's
already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.


Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.


A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket
match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, MATCH!"


Postman: I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: -Why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....


A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked:How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR


Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d bus he was
driving..


A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- We must find & stop her!.


A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in
the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.


Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese friend
just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"

Different Hell for each country

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do
they do here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for
an
hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He
checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German
hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do
here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the
devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and
then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!! !

Contribution for Boss

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
...
...
...
...
"About 1 litre."

If Ramayana was written by Bill Gates...!!!

Always allow the boss to speak first

A junior Software engineer, a senior Software engineer and their PM are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come
across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost Says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but
as you are three, I will allow one wish each".


So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I
want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.

"Pfufffff and he was gone.


Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep
quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty
of food and cocktails.
"Pfufffff and he was also gone.


The PM calmly said," I want these two idiots back
in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"

Moral of the story is: Always allow the boss to speak first"

All are the Same ???

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw
Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes
over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives
him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour,
get outta here. "The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not
the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied
Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank
the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship. "Shocked, Spielberg
replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the
ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,
you're all the same

Dinner in the Sky

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Daddy

RECRUITING IT Guys ...

WHAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER 2 YRS FROM NOW IF all IT Companies GOES ON RECRUITING AT THE CURRENT PACE ...

Liar Liar

One day Johny's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the
person who lied on the face.

Johny returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son
why are you late from school?"

Johny answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Johny on his face.

His dad told him that this robot is special in that he can detect a
lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the
truth, "Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie"," Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Johny
got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honestly, I went for the movie Beauty Queen." Shame on you son
when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Johny's mother comes walking out of the kitchen
saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!!", to which
the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Johny's mothers
face.

Original Walt Disney Letterhead in 1951

Ever wondered what a letter sent out from the famous Walt Disney Studio in early 50s looked like?
Well here's a sample from May 25, 1951 signed by Madeleine Wheeler.
Unfortunately we can't see what she wrote since it's from a private family collection.
But still, it's a nice collector’s item...

Visionary Wife

I like the story of the woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with jewels. Her explanation: "If I die and my husband remarries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

What's in a name?

A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Sweetypie, etc.
The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Few More Coming Your Way ...

Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called "Saints"
But now they are called.. "IT professionals"
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An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off"

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Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present..

Its just that,
One loves too much,

and

The other loves too many,

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Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!

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What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new

and

Just few hours left for your exams..!

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Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"

Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!


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After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!

Applicant: What is it?

Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

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Best one is…

A Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...

..... Leave them to us

Gooood ones....

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

3. Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Every time'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'


5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? '
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '

6. Anger management?

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .'

Don't copy if you can't paste !!!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top IT manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wild with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

Men always have better friends....

Men always have better friends....

They will stand by you, no matter what....!!!

Here's an example:-


Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night.

So she tells her husband the very next morning,

that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.

So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and

none of them confirmed that she was with them..


Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night.

So he tells his wife the very next morning,

that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that

he stayed at their apartments that night and

another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

Fuel Price Cartoons !!!

WalMart Doctor...

Wal-Mart has everything!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'


'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.



'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what 's wrong and what to do about it.



It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.


Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'




That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.


Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5.And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

Dangerous Babies

Day to remember ...

It was a day to remember...

Their Wedding shoot.
At the famous 100-year-old Church of the Annunciation in Pengzhou , China .
Pengzhou is located in the Sichuan province.
Very early morning May 12 2008, photographer Wang went about preparing to shoot wedding pictures
for a young couple, this was the test shot before the shoot...


And then it happened.... the earth quake! 7.8 on the Richter scale.


Bricks fall from the building during the earthquake, which turned Wang from a wedding photographer into a journalist.
Thank God we were only shooting from outside the church!' remarked a helper.


The stunned couple huddles together at the church ground during initial tremors. 'I shouted to people,
'Run! Run!'' said photographer Wang Qiang. 'The ground shook and we couldn't see anything in the dust.'

A cracked facade was all that remained of the 100-year-old Church of the Annunciation after the quake.
Most of the church 'collapsed in 10 seconds,' said Wang, who lives in Chengdu , capital of hard-hit Sichuan
province.

Soon after the quake, the people at the seminary set out for a nearby village, but residents warned them the route
was blocked. 'We could still hear landslides,' Wang wrote in an online account of the disaster. So they stayed
overnight in a tent and made it to the village the next day, thanks to help from a truck driver.

A scarf from a wedding dress lies forgotten in front of the seminary.

Wang said he thought the catastrophe would strengthen the bonds of the couples who were there that
day: 'Having gone through a life-and-death test, they surely will clasp hands and grow old together.'

No one was harmed at the above location.

They'll sure have a Wild story to tell their Children!

As the dust began to clear, the true extent of damage was only beginning to appear...

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