True Friends

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean,

But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.

Never make the same mistake twice

Never make the same mistake twice... :)

Death Breath

We Should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

How to improve our economy

Thoughts worth thinking

Common sense is like deodorant.
The people who need it most never use it.

ALCOHOL because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad

4 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Some Sarcastic Quotes

I never make the same mistake twice.
I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.


Some people aren't just missing a screw...
they're missing the whole toolbox!


I used to to hit the gym when I was stressed.
Now I just hit the person that caused the stress. It works much better.


Askhole - A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

For Tourists in Gujarat:-)

Notices in English for tourists in Gujarat:

In an Ahmedabad Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

In a Surat hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Baroda hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Jamnagar: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In an Ahmedabad hotel near Gujarat College: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad: Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Bhavnagar hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an Anand laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a heritage hotel at Junagadh: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Rann of Kutch: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In the office of an Ahmedabad gynecologist: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Bharuch hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

More Sarcastic Quotes . . .

-- "If winners never quit and quitters never win then who came up with the saying 'quit while you're ahead'?"

-- If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.

-- Whats this bout rowing gently down the stream? What do you think us rowers are? Pansies? HELL NO! Catch us if you can!

-- A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying "that was fucking awesome

-- What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

-- "Boys are like roses, watch out for the pricks...

-- Stoners live and stoners die, and at the end they all get high, then soon the don't succeed, FUCK IT ALL LETS SMOKE SOME WEED!

-- *Fighting for peace is like f***in for virginity*

-- It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.

-- I wasn't kissing him, I was just telling his lips a secret!

-- Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again?

-- God created men first, cause you always makes a rough draft before a masterpiece!

-- Heaven won't have me and hells afraid I'll take over!

-- Guys are like slinkies its always fun to watch them fall down the stairs

-- A wise monkey never monkies w/ another monkey's monkey!

-- ***Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege***

-- One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is 2 stubborn to ask for directions~*~

-- Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!

-- Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!

-- They say true love hides behind every Corner...I must be walking in Circles! *

-- Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!

-- 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep

Famous Funny Quotes . . .

-- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

-- Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. - Karl Wallenda

-- Well done is better than well said. - Benjamin Franklin

-- There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde

-- You must believe in free will; there is no choice. - Isaac Bashevis Singer

-- Be sincere; be brief; be seated. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

-- Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

-- From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. - Sir Winston Churchill

-- When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run. - Abraham Lincoln

-- You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln

-- A camel is a horse designed by committee. -Sir Alec Issigonis

-- Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open. - Sir James Dewar

-- Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill. - Danish proverb

-- Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. - Samuel Butler

-- If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France

-- Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. - Voltaire

-- A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

-- The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment. - T. H. White

-- It's kind of fun to do the impossible. - Walt Disney

-- What orators lack in depth they make up for in length. - Charles de Secondat

-- Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato

-- 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates

Famous Funny Quotes . . .

-- To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance - Oscar Wilde

-- I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison

-- Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill

-- The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. - Samuel Johnson

-- Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together. - Georg Lichtenberg

-- If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

-- As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent. Socrates

-- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

-- Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. Mae West

-- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Oscar Wilde

-- An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. Gandhi

-- He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. Lao Tsu

-- Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting. Billy Rose

-- A rich man's joke is always funny. Proverb

-- Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. Cordel Hull

-- When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes. Dylan Thomas

-- I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Winston Churchill

-- Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. William Shakespeare

-- A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. Oscar Wilde

-- There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
Benjamin Franklin