Thursday, April 23, 2009


The intensity of the dog's face shows more sincerity than most people!

Dear Lord:
Thank you for bringing me to Timmy's house and not to Michael or Vick's -- AMEN!'

Company Logos, when the crisis is finally over

How company logos will look when the crisis is finally over.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Help Us to understand our wives

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”
The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how can I make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?.”

Monday, April 20, 2009

Never Pretend you are Married

A Man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we're married?"

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

and the next moment she said ...

"Then get up and take it yourself"!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009


Pay Your Electricity Bill On Time

Bob Dylan comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs Dylan receives a telephone call from Electricity Corporation because the electricity bill has not been paid. " Am I speaking to Mrs. Dylan? "
"Yes... speaking"
Electricity Corporation guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Electricity Corporation guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files...HOW?????"
" Yes ............ . We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD!!!!!!... ...... This is too much........ .."

"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... He will speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,
rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.
"What's going on?
You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Electricity Corporation, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Adult One Liner Jokes

1. There are three stages of sex in a man's life Tri Weekly, Try
Weekly, and Try Weakly.

2. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't!!!

3. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss,only down under.

4. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects!!

5. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory
I don't remember what I chose.

6. Impotence: Nature's way of saying Buddy, No hard feelings...

7. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

11. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was
happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

12. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Weight loss program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5 Kg Weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a Voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes
and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 Kg as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 10 Kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 Kg as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 20 Kg program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most Rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in Years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 35 Kg that week!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Recession Updates

* Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off

* Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate

* Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.

* Women finally marrying for love, and not money

* Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

* The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America’s third biggest lender.

* Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

* Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.

* Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".

* Quote from a Wall Street banker: "This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half of my assets and I still have my wife…!!!!.. "