A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish Id gotten to know you sooner!"
"Grandma, why dont you drink tea anymore?" "I dont like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."
A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs. The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"He thinks a second and he says, "Its a nice-a day!"
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?""Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
A strained voice called out through the darkened heater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested ina date with a good, Jewish girl?"