Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine . Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
clock that has only 9's ...
A clock that has only 9's in it.
Having 9s does not make it special.... U can design a clock having only 9 with 9/9 (=1), (9+9)/9(=2), (9+9+9)/9(=3) and so on...
What makes it really amazing is the fact that... it has only 3 9s in each digit representation...
Having 9s does not make it special.... U can design a clock having only 9 with 9/9 (=1), (9+9)/9(=2), (9+9+9)/9(=3) and so on...
What makes it really amazing is the fact that... it has only 3 9s in each digit representation...
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Women are so much smarter !!!
When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Something you may not know ...
1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .
----------------------------------------------------------------------
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you
Sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
History. "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great;
" Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" - Julius Caesar.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
---------------------------------------------------------------------
16. If a statue of a warrior on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle. If the
horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
18. Honey - This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
20. A snail can sleep for three years.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
21. All polar bears are left handed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
million descendants.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
---------------------------------------------------------------------
37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .
----------------------------------------------------------------------
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you
Sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
History. "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great;
" Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" - Julius Caesar.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
---------------------------------------------------------------------
16. If a statue of a warrior on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle. If the
horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
18. Honey - This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
20. A snail can sleep for three years.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
21. All polar bears are left handed.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
million descendants.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
---------------------------------------------------------------------
37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Good one To Laugh !!!
1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
Detox diets
Sounds spiritual! Doesn't it?
Well,
the detox diet is not like
the middle path popularised by Lord Buddha.
It is just yet another weight loss programme.
Endorsed by celebrities and naturally worshipped
by their fan following,
detox diets are getting popular.
The basic principle behind the diet is literally
"to detox" the body.
This means that
we prevent toxins from entering our body
and flush out those already present.
If one wants to follow the detox diet,
you have to watch the food
you eat and supplement this diet
with herbal medicines.
Besides,
there are a number
of detox methods available.
They range from the mild and pleasurable like
saunas, massages and body brushing
to the extreme and unpleasant ones
such as colonic cleansing,
bowel enemas and fasting.
Herbal supplements like
milk, thistle, detox drinks and 'liver' tonics
are often recommended.
The idea is to
purify and purge your body
of all the "bad" stuff.
Although,
the diets vary,
most involve some version
of a fast that is giving up food
for a couple of days.
After which,
you gradually reintroduce
certain foods into your diet.
Many of these diets
also encourage you to undergo colonic cleansing,
otherwise known as an enema
(an enema flushes out your rectum
and colon using water).
Foods,
which are usually permitted,
are fruit, vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds,
herbal teas and massive amounts of water.
Wheat, dairy, meat, fish, eggs, caffeine, alcohol,
salt, sugar and processed foods are banned.
Typically,
you are on a completely liquid diet
for one or two days and for the next four to five days,
you add brown rice,
fruit and steamed vegetables
(all organic) to the diet.
After a week of eating just these foods,
you gradually reintroduce other foods
- except for red meat, wheat, sugar, eggs and
all pre-packaged or junk foods - into your diet.
Can you lose weight?
One of the main reasons
people follow a detox diet is to lose weight.
The amount of weight expected
to lose will vary according to the severity
of the dietary restriction -
the more foods that are banned,
the more weight is lost.
It's as simple as that.
Well,
the detox diet is not like
the middle path popularised by Lord Buddha.
It is just yet another weight loss programme.
Endorsed by celebrities and naturally worshipped
by their fan following,
detox diets are getting popular.
The basic principle behind the diet is literally
"to detox" the body.
This means that
we prevent toxins from entering our body
and flush out those already present.
If one wants to follow the detox diet,
you have to watch the food
you eat and supplement this diet
with herbal medicines.
Besides,
there are a number
of detox methods available.
They range from the mild and pleasurable like
saunas, massages and body brushing
to the extreme and unpleasant ones
such as colonic cleansing,
bowel enemas and fasting.
Herbal supplements like
milk, thistle, detox drinks and 'liver' tonics
are often recommended.
The idea is to
purify and purge your body
of all the "bad" stuff.
Although,
the diets vary,
most involve some version
of a fast that is giving up food
for a couple of days.
After which,
you gradually reintroduce
certain foods into your diet.
Many of these diets
also encourage you to undergo colonic cleansing,
otherwise known as an enema
(an enema flushes out your rectum
and colon using water).
Foods,
which are usually permitted,
are fruit, vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds,
herbal teas and massive amounts of water.
Wheat, dairy, meat, fish, eggs, caffeine, alcohol,
salt, sugar and processed foods are banned.
Typically,
you are on a completely liquid diet
for one or two days and for the next four to five days,
you add brown rice,
fruit and steamed vegetables
(all organic) to the diet.
After a week of eating just these foods,
you gradually reintroduce other foods
- except for red meat, wheat, sugar, eggs and
all pre-packaged or junk foods - into your diet.
Can you lose weight?
One of the main reasons
people follow a detox diet is to lose weight.
The amount of weight expected
to lose will vary according to the severity
of the dietary restriction -
the more foods that are banned,
the more weight is lost.
It's as simple as that.
Zodiac Signs
ARIES - The king
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent
kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16
years of bad luck if you do not forward.
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good
fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in
times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring
person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive
people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know
where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out.
Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING.
Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST
IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very
romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative.
Extremely random and proud of it. Freak.
Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock
your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have
fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable.
Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in
long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find.
Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants
the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything
you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck
if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun
and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever
meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you
might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of
humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get
what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you
do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being
in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with.
Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is
one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most
caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!!
Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up
crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do
not forward.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in
long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will
exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights
out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last
word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird
but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always lets what
he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5
years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent
kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16
years of bad luck if you do not forward.
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good
fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in
times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring
person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive
people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know
where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out.
Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING.
Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST
IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very
romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative.
Extremely random and proud of it. Freak.
Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock
your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have
fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable.
Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in
long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find.
Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants
the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything
you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck
if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun
and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever
meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you
might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of
humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get
what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you
do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being
in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with.
Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is
one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most
caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!!
Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up
crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do
not forward.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in
long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will
exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights
out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last
word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird
but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always lets what
he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5
years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Women's Language !!!
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry." = you'll be sorry.
“ We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.
“ Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.
“ We need to talk" = I need to complain
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.
“ I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!
“ You're ... so manly" = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.
“ You're certainly attentive tonight" = is sex all you ever think about?
“ Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.
“ This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
“ I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
“ Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!
“ I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.
“ Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
“ How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.
“ I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
“ Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
“ You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.
“ Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]
“ Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
“ I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry." = you'll be sorry.
“ We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.
“ Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.
“ We need to talk" = I need to complain
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.
“ I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!
“ You're ... so manly" = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.
“ You're certainly attentive tonight" = is sex all you ever think about?
“ Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.
“ This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
“ I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
“ Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!
“ I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.
“ Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
“ How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.
“ I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
“ Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
“ You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.
“ Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]
“ Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
“ I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
Know Men Better ...
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: Oh about 45 pounds.
Q. What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six-pack.
Q. How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.
Q. What did God say after he created man?
A. "I can do better than this."
Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A. When the crew gets lost in space, at least women will ask for directions.
Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.
A: Oh about 45 pounds.
Q. What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six-pack.
Q. How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.
Q. What did God say after he created man?
A. "I can do better than this."
Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A. When the crew gets lost in space, at least women will ask for directions.
Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.
More Sarcastic Quotes . . .
-- "If winners never quit and quitters never win then who came up with the saying 'quit while you're ahead'?"
-- If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.
-- Whats this bout rowing gently down the stream? What do you think us rowers are? Pansies? HELL NO! Catch us if you can!
-- A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying "that was fucking awesome
-- What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
-- "Boys are like roses, watch out for the pricks...
-- Stoners live and stoners die, and at the end they all get high, then soon the don't succeed, FUCK IT ALL LETS SMOKE SOME WEED!
-- *Fighting for peace is like f***in for virginity*
-- It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.
-- I wasn't kissing him, I was just telling his lips a secret!
-- Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again?
-- God created men first, cause you always makes a rough draft before a masterpiece!
-- Heaven won't have me and hells afraid I'll take over!
-- Guys are like slinkies its always fun to watch them fall down the stairs
-- A wise monkey never monkies w/ another monkey's monkey!
-- ***Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege***
-- One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is 2 stubborn to ask for directions~*~
-- Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!
-- Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!
-- They say true love hides behind every Corner...I must be walking in Circles! *
-- Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!
-- 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
-- If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.
-- Whats this bout rowing gently down the stream? What do you think us rowers are? Pansies? HELL NO! Catch us if you can!
-- A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying "that was fucking awesome
-- What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
-- "Boys are like roses, watch out for the pricks...
-- Stoners live and stoners die, and at the end they all get high, then soon the don't succeed, FUCK IT ALL LETS SMOKE SOME WEED!
-- *Fighting for peace is like f***in for virginity*
-- It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.
-- I wasn't kissing him, I was just telling his lips a secret!
-- Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again?
-- God created men first, cause you always makes a rough draft before a masterpiece!
-- Heaven won't have me and hells afraid I'll take over!
-- Guys are like slinkies its always fun to watch them fall down the stairs
-- A wise monkey never monkies w/ another monkey's monkey!
-- ***Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege***
-- One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is 2 stubborn to ask for directions~*~
-- Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!
-- Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!
-- They say true love hides behind every Corner...I must be walking in Circles! *
-- Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!
-- 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Interview Questions ...
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and fourapples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant withone hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33 R ank ) Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for awhile and said,"my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on thecorrectness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's theDAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and fourapples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant withone hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33 R ank ) Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for awhile and said,"my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on thecorrectness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's theDAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!
Write for help ...
This reminds me of how vcrs used to come with a video that tells you how to use them! someone clearly wasn't thinking! lol
Friday, November 23, 2007
20 Responses to Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and
you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked,
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they
got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as
long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and
I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask,
"What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries
to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a
rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do
it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan,
reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you
be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get
out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card
number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't
sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the
receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she
will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the
Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say,
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them
on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food
loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they
could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably
tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come
on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . .
louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked,
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they
got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as
long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and
I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask,
"What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries
to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a
rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do
it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan,
reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you
be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get
out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card
number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't
sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the
receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she
will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the
Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say,
"I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them
on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food
loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they
could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably
tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come
on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . .
louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Santa Banta all the way . . .
Santa: I have swallowed a key. Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
*********
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
*********
Lady : My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
***********
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
***********
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
************
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
************
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing? Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
**************
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to Punjab, He wanted to save money so what did he do? Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
========================================
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein "Delivery Free" hai.
==============================================
A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab .
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
=================================================
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
=================================================
Teacher: A for? Sardar: Apple Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
=================================================
American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
=================================================
Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
=======================================================
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
=========================================================
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
==============================================
Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying. When a person asked what he was doing? He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.
==============================================
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
==============================================
A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
he is my kid, & she is my kidney.
==============================================
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.*
Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
*********
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
*********
Lady : My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
***********
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
***********
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
************
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
************
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing? Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
**************
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to Punjab, He wanted to save money so what did he do? Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
========================================
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein "Delivery Free" hai.
==============================================
A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab .
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
=================================================
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
=================================================
Teacher: A for? Sardar: Apple Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
=================================================
American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
=================================================
Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
=======================================================
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
=========================================================
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
==============================================
Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying. When a person asked what he was doing? He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.
==============================================
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
==============================================
A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
he is my kid, & she is my kidney.
==============================================
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.*
One Liner Jokes ! ! !
First cannibal: My wife's a tough old bird.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an
hour.
A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember
her by.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every so often, she has to stop
to breathe.
I'm suffering from bad breath
you should do something about it!
I did.
I just sent my wife to the dentist.
Woman: If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.
Man: And if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
After the wedding:
- You know, honey, I can't give up my maiden habits at once.
- It is not necessary! You may continue to take your father's money.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an
hour.
A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember
her by.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every so often, she has to stop
to breathe.
I'm suffering from bad breath
you should do something about it!
I did.
I just sent my wife to the dentist.
Woman: If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.
Man: And if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
After the wedding:
- You know, honey, I can't give up my maiden habits at once.
- It is not necessary! You may continue to take your father's money.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
In a Minute ! ! !
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were
drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They
will in a minute."
drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They
will in a minute."
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Latex Factory . . .
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.
The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.
The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour.
"I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide.
It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.
The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour.
"I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide.
It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
James Bond
James Bond travels on a BA Flight on a secret mission for her Majesty and meets a Telegu guy who was sitting next to him.
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "Bond ..James Bond"
Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy:My name is Rao... Siva Rao... Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... SitaramanjaneyulaRajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... .."
Bond faints . . .
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "Bond ..James Bond"
Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy:My name is Rao... Siva Rao... Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... SitaramanjaneyulaRajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... .."
Bond faints . . .
Thursday, November 8, 2007
55 Cancri
Name
55 Cancri (pronounced /ˈkæŋkraɪ/, abbreviated 55 Cnc) is a binary star located around 41 light-years away in the constellation Cancer. It has the Bayer designation Rho1 Cancri. The system contains a yellow dwarf star (55 Cancri A) similar to our Sun and a red dwarf (55 Cancri B). The two components are separated by over 1000 times the distance from the Earth to the Sun.
As of 2007, five extrasolar planets are known in orbit around 55 Cancri A. Four of the planets are comparable to Jupiter in mass, while the innermost planet has a mass similar to that of Neptune. The 55 Cancri system was the first known five-planet extrasolar planetary system.
55 Cancri A is ranked 63rd in the list of top 100 target stars for the NASA Terrestrial Planet Finder mission.[1].
Distance and visibility
The 55 Cancri system is located fairly close to our solar system: the Hipparcos astrometry satellite measured the parallax of 55 Cancri A as 79.80 milliarcseconds, corresponding to a distance of 12.5 parsecs.[2] 55 Cancri A has an apparent magnitude of 5.95, making it visible through binoculars. It is just visible to the naked eye under very dark skies. The red dwarf 55 Cancri B is of the 13th magnitude and only visible through a telescope.
More Sarcastic Quotes . . .
-- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
-- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
-- Mean people rule!
-- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
-- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
-- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
-- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
-- Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
-- Jesus is coming, everyone look busy
-- Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole
-- God must love stupid people, he made so many
-- Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT
-- I'll slap you like a red headed stepchild!
-- REHAB is for quitters
-- TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT... SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN!
-- Every piece of paper has two good sides... Unless you use magic marker then you're fucked
-- When faced with a difficult task, pass it on to a lazy person and he'll figure out an easier way to accomplish it.
-- "Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers"
-- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
-- Mean people rule!
-- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
-- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
-- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
-- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
-- Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
-- Jesus is coming, everyone look busy
-- Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole
-- God must love stupid people, he made so many
-- Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT
-- I'll slap you like a red headed stepchild!
-- REHAB is for quitters
-- TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT... SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN!
-- Every piece of paper has two good sides... Unless you use magic marker then you're fucked
-- When faced with a difficult task, pass it on to a lazy person and he'll figure out an easier way to accomplish it.
-- "Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers"
India @ Best . . .
Jai ho ...
Starbucks, Indian Economy Edition . . .
Meet hiro no.1 ...
For VIP's Only . . .
Now this is mind boggling!!! Toilet & 'cum' bath… who wants to take??
They must have ordered these bags over the phone - they're meant to say, "All requirements under one roof"!
Where is this place? Any idea??
What a great sound system!!!
No comments!! LOL… (plz call the numbers in case of emergency ... )
Starbucks, Indian Economy Edition . . .
Meet hiro no.1 ...
For VIP's Only . . .
Now this is mind boggling!!! Toilet & 'cum' bath… who wants to take??
They must have ordered these bags over the phone - they're meant to say, "All requirements under one roof"!
Where is this place? Any idea??
What a great sound system!!!
No comments!! LOL… (plz call the numbers in case of emergency ... )
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