JACK (age 3)
Was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister
After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5)
Asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
STEVEN (age 3)
Hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4)
Had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?
SUSAN (age 4)
Was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4)
Stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4)
Was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5)
Was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4)
Was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked:
"What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4)
Was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular
Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Trivia about Windows XP Wallpaper
The default wallpaper for the Windows XP operating system is Bliss, a Bitmap photograph of a landscape in the Napa Valley, [10] with rolling green hills and a blue sky with stratocumulus and cirrus clouds. The photograph inspired Windows XP's 200-million
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Cost Cutting in Office !!!
EFFECTIVE Jan 1, 2009
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is
necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, a n alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is
necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, a n alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Quit drinking
A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of
beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London.
When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh,
no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
I just quit drinking!!!
beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London.
When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh,
no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
I just quit drinking!!!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Man Submits Drawing Of Spider Instead Of Payment For Overdue Account
David Thorne didn't have the $233.95 to pay an overdue account. So what did he do? What any other budding young genius would do, he submitted a picture of a spider he drew instead. Unfortunately, Jane Gilles, who is clearly a mega-bitch to the nth degree, wouldn't accept it. So what happened next? Hit the jump to find out. But I'll give you a hint: time travel! And also, David's account not getting paid.
You really want to read the rest, so hit it.
(click the image to enlarge)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
WHEN 24 HOURS ARE NOT ENOUGH
When the things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and held some items in front of him. When the class began he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. The students agreed it was full.
The professor than picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous yes.
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
Wow, said the professor as the laughter subsided. I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things- GOD, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions- and if everything else was
lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else- the small stuff. If you put sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles and the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Lead a life as an obedient creature of your creator. Play with your children. Take time to get the medical check-ups. Take your spouse out. Play another 18 hole game at the golf course. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first?the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised his hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled, I am glad you asked. It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and held some items in front of him. When the class began he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. The students agreed it was full.
The professor than picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous yes.
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
Wow, said the professor as the laughter subsided. I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things- GOD, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions- and if everything else was
lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else- the small stuff. If you put sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles and the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Lead a life as an obedient creature of your creator. Play with your children. Take time to get the medical check-ups. Take your spouse out. Play another 18 hole game at the golf course. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first?the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised his hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled, I am glad you asked. It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A+ in Mathematics
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
100 years old
This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above
"You will live to be 100."
She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100."
Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live!
So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe.
When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
God said: "I didn't recognize you".
"You will live to be 100."
She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100."
Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live!
So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe.
When she left the plastic surgeon's office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
God said: "I didn't recognize you".
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
The revolution of paperless paper
At Plastic Logic's factory in Dresden, British engineer Dean Baker shows a new kind of newspaper.
What's new about it? Well, for a start there's no paper - it's electronic.
The device looks just like a table mat, it's as light as a magazine.
We have paper being distributed all over the country which is consumed on that day and then discarded into the bin. This doesn't need to be the case.
Dean Baker
But onto it you can download hundreds of newspapers and - at the touch of a button - browse through them quite safely, without elbowing anyone ever again.
"It's very robust," says Mr Baker.
To prove it Dean Baker whacks the screen with his fist. Not a scratch.
The machine's so tough, because everything, from the screen to the electronics inside, is made of plastic.
That's why the electronic newspaper is so light, flexible and revolutionary.
Mr Baker believes the device will help consign ordinary paper to the rubbish bin of history.
The plastic microchips are produced in a top security "clean room" in Dresden.
The Plastic Logic factory, which opened last month, is the world's first ever commercial scale plastic electronics manufacturing plant.
It may be in Germany, but the company itself was born in Britain.
Read full story at BBC
What's new about it? Well, for a start there's no paper - it's electronic.
The device looks just like a table mat, it's as light as a magazine.
We have paper being distributed all over the country which is consumed on that day and then discarded into the bin. This doesn't need to be the case.
Dean Baker
But onto it you can download hundreds of newspapers and - at the touch of a button - browse through them quite safely, without elbowing anyone ever again.
"It's very robust," says Mr Baker.
To prove it Dean Baker whacks the screen with his fist. Not a scratch.
The machine's so tough, because everything, from the screen to the electronics inside, is made of plastic.
That's why the electronic newspaper is so light, flexible and revolutionary.
Mr Baker believes the device will help consign ordinary paper to the rubbish bin of history.
The plastic microchips are produced in a top security "clean room" in Dresden.
The Plastic Logic factory, which opened last month, is the world's first ever commercial scale plastic electronics manufacturing plant.
It may be in Germany, but the company itself was born in Britain.
Read full story at BBC
Anti Smoking Ads
Over the past 40 years, smoking has declined by about half, thanks in part to anti-smoking media campaigns.
But anti-tobacco messages and ads often face fierce opposition from the cigarette manufacturers who have worked vigorously to diminish their impact.
Anti-smoking ads began in the late 1960s when the FCC deemed cigarette smoking controversial and therefore subject to the Fairness Doctrine, which requires opening the airwaves to public service messages on opposing viewpoints. The ads were very effective in reducing smoking, despite vigorous counter-advertising by the tobacco companies. (According to a 1972 study, anti-smoking ads cut cigarette smoking by 531 cigarettes per person per year, while tobacco company advertising increased consumption by only 95 cigarettes per person per year.)
But anti-tobacco messages and ads often face fierce opposition from the cigarette manufacturers who have worked vigorously to diminish their impact.
Anti-smoking ads began in the late 1960s when the FCC deemed cigarette smoking controversial and therefore subject to the Fairness Doctrine, which requires opening the airwaves to public service messages on opposing viewpoints. The ads were very effective in reducing smoking, despite vigorous counter-advertising by the tobacco companies. (According to a 1972 study, anti-smoking ads cut cigarette smoking by 531 cigarettes per person per year, while tobacco company advertising increased consumption by only 95 cigarettes per person per year.)
Friday, October 17, 2008
All about Wives & Girlfriends...
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
************
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
*************
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
**************
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
**************
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
************
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
*************
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
**************
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
**************
Friday, September 26, 2008
Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 .
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User"
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Cosmetics 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 .
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User"
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Cosmetics 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
HTTP and HTTPS
The main difference between http:// and https:// is It's all about keeping you secure
HTTP stands for HyperText Transport Protocol, which is just a fancy way of saying it's a protocol (a language, in a manner of speaking) for information to be passed back and forth between web servers and clients.
The important thing is the letter S which makes the difference between HTTP and HTTPS.
The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure".
If you visit a website or webpage, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://.
This means that the website is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecure' language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site.
This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an http website!
But if the web address begins with https://, that basically means your computer is talking to the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on.
You understand why this is so important, right? If a website ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with https://.
If it doesn't, there's no way you're going to enter sensitive information like a credit card number!
HTTP stands for HyperText Transport Protocol, which is just a fancy way of saying it's a protocol (a language, in a manner of speaking) for information to be passed back and forth between web servers and clients.
The important thing is the letter S which makes the difference between HTTP and HTTPS.
The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure".
If you visit a website or webpage, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://.
This means that the website is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecure' language. In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the website. If you fill out a form on the website, someone might see the information you send to that site.
This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an http website!
But if the web address begins with https://, that basically means your computer is talking to the website in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on.
You understand why this is so important, right? If a website ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with https://.
If it doesn't, there's no way you're going to enter sensitive information like a credit card number!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Baked Beans and Birthday Surprise
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly died!!!
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly died!!!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Michelangelo's David is Returning to Italy
After a two year visit to the United States, Michelangelo's David is returning to Italy . . .
His Proud Sponsors were:
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
The Inspiration Behind The Logo Design of Google Chrome
This may be just another coincidence but there are some elements that seem to be common between the logo designs of Google Chrome and that of ThinkFree.
It’s not the official Thinkfree logo but is part of the installer that ships with the desktop version of Thinkfree Office 3.
Philipp Lenssen and Flickr members have come up with these illustrations to hint that the inspiration for Google Chrome logo may have come from Simon and Pokemon.
Earlier, Harry McCracken wrote about some similarities he found between the logo design of Google Chrome and that of Windows Vista - "No, the Chrome and Windows Vista logos are not true twins, but they’re both round and shiny, with the same color scheme–red, green, yellow, and blue."
It’s not the official Thinkfree logo but is part of the installer that ships with the desktop version of Thinkfree Office 3.
Philipp Lenssen and Flickr members have come up with these illustrations to hint that the inspiration for Google Chrome logo may have come from Simon and Pokemon.
Earlier, Harry McCracken wrote about some similarities he found between the logo design of Google Chrome and that of Windows Vista - "No, the Chrome and Windows Vista logos are not true twins, but they’re both round and shiny, with the same color scheme–red, green, yellow, and blue."
Men who had control over their women
Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.
God comes and says :-
"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had
control over their women, and the other one for the men who were
controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so
that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines.
The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles
long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there
is
only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of your selves. I
created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn
from him!"
"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
God comes and says :-
"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had
control over their women, and the other one for the men who were
controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so
that no man and woman can talk."
Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines.
The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles
long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there
is
only one man.
God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of your selves. I
created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn
from him!"
"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Friday, September 5, 2008
I don't want to go to School
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM :One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM :One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Some real gaffs at the Olympics(Olympics Fever)
Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?'
Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?'
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
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