Men who had control over their women

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says :-

"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had
control over their women, and the other one for the men who were
controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so
that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two
lines.
The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles
long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there
is
only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of your selves. I
created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn
from him!"

"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

I don't want to go to School

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM :One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I  smoke while I pray?" 

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you  may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and  tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not  surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." 

And so Max  goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?" 

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all  means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want  to."

Some real gaffs at the Olympics(Olympics Fever)

Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?'