'T-G-I-F' vs 'S-H-I-T'

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

"'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.'"

Do you really know a woman

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ...

Six white horses and President Bush

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides
to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934
Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent
17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace , waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most
horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire . The fart shakes
the coach.

The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use
perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two dignitaries of
state do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Bush saying, 'Mr. President,please
accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that
even a Queen cannot control.'

Bush, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied, 'Your
Majesty, do not give the matter another thought.
Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.'

Forgiving or punishing

Forgiving or punishing
the terrorists
is left to God.
But,
fixing their appointment
with God
is our responsibility
- Indian Army


Updated statement for this in S/w industry...
---------------------------------------------------------

Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility

-Tester



We all knew that..... but this one is damn good..


Forgiving or punishing
the Manager
is left to Client.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Client
is our responsibility

- Developer