Thursday, February 26, 2009

Godly Humour

Maria was a beautiful Latina who fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans; she decided to tell her papa.

Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another. Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is our half-brother". So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.

But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still"." You can not marry Ricardo, Maria. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo and Jose are both your half-brothers".

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama, but she already knew and Said "Maria, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you are not related to Papa."

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

World's first man to fly

Swiss pilot Yves Rossy, the world's first man to fly with a jet-powered fixed-wing apparatus strapped to his back, flies during his first official demonstration, on May 14, 2008 above Bex, Switzerland.

Best divorce letter ever

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!


Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal,you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica ... But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Know your Customers

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained
"When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...

First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.
And Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"Then that should have worked!" said the friend.
"The hell it should had!? said the salesman. didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"

Thursday, February 5, 2009


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Water bridge over river Elbe Germany

Even after you see it, it is still hard to believe!
Water Bridge in Germany .... What a feat!

Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters this is engineering!

This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and
West Germany , as part of the unification project. It is located in the city
of Magdeburg, near Berlin ..
The photo was taken on the day of inauguration.

To those who appreciate engineering projects, here's a puzzle for you
armchair engineers and physicists.
It only needs to be designed to withstand the weight of the water!

Why? A ship always displaces an amount of water that weighs the same
as the ship, regardless of how heavily a ship may be loaded.
Remember your high school physics, and the fly in an enclosed bottle project???
Similarly, the super sensitive scale proved that it didn't make any difference
whether the fly was sitting on the bottom, walking up the side, or flying around.
The bottle, air, and fly were a single unit of mass and always weighed the same

Always check your child's homework

Mrs. Smith,

Please see the drawing your child had made in response to "what will I be when I grow up?"

Mrs. Jones-Class Teacher

(Here's the reply the teacher received from the mother the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Mrs. Smith