Couple Humour

At every party there are two kinds of people.
Those who want to go home and those who don't.
The trouble is they are usually married to each other.

How many people you hate ?

"You don't realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby..."

Never make the same mistake twice

Never make the same mistake twice... :)

Death Breath

We Should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

Some Sarcastic Quotes

I never make the same mistake twice.
I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.


Some people aren't just missing a screw...
they're missing the whole toolbox!


I used to to hit the gym when I was stressed.
Now I just hit the person that caused the stress. It works much better.


Askhole - A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

Some More Sarcasm...

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”

“It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.”

“I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.”

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.”

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”

“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.”

“A good listener is usually thinking about something else.”

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”

“I wish we were better strangers.”

"Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it."